a few things....
1. please be sure to bring your copy of David Foster Wallace's commencement speech to class tomorrow...or at least have access to it on an electronic device. Since we did not get to discuss it as a class today, I would like to do that tomorrow.
2. Below is a copy of the evaluation sheet I will be filling out and attaching to your final draft of essay 1. I also, of course, make comments ON your essay. But this will give you an idea of some of the major issues I consider when evaluating and scoring your work.
3. Also, you will find a copy of the sample student essay we read and discussed in class. It earned a 169/200 = 84.5%
NAME______________________________________________ENG.20---SUMMER/2014
Out of Class Essay
#1—Evaluation
Grade
Earned:___________________
General Comments:
If
there is a check ( )
next to an item or items listed below, this indicates one or more of those
errors was found in your essay. I WILL ALWAYS NOTE MOST ERRORS, AT LEAST ONCE,
DIRECTLY ON THE ESSAY; HOWEVER, I DO NOT INDICATE EVERY ERROR. You are the
final editor/proofreader of your work. Whether
or not you choose to revise this essay, please take note of the errors so they
are not repeated in your next essay.
_____sentence
level errors (comma splice; run on; fragment; spelling error; punctuation
error; error in capitalization; etc.)
_____paragraph
(s) has more than one main idea
_____problems
with transitions between paragraphs
_____wordiness
_____repetitiveness
_____issues
with tense
_____lack
of sentence variety (in length and/or in beginnings)
_____tone
(too casual for an academic essay)
_____very
general, flat, uninteresting vocabulary
_____lack
of supportive details/evidence
_____does
not address the prompt accurately and/or completely
_____use
of you and/or your
_____unacceptable
errors (# of errors found:________)
OTHER ISSUES:
English 20—C. Fraga
SAMPLE STUDENT ESSAY from out of class essay 1 assignment
From
Dog-town Kids to Skate Legends
Skateboarding
has branched into numerous different styles since the 1970s. Skating is now considered a lifestyle
that incorporates freedom, creativity, and often a wild spirit. It is usually not viewed as a
conformist sport, in particular because it involves fleeing from security, vandalizing
rails and benches, and breaking into private property. Clearly, skating is a
rebellious pastime, which is perhaps why it intrigues so many people. Those who
commit to the sport fit the definition of non conformist: someone who
participates in an activity or cause that often skirts the limits of the law,
not to seek attention but because of a focused passion for the activity or
cause. Skateboarders challenge authority while inspiring creativity in fellow
skateboarders and bystanders.
The
contributors with a non-conformist sensibility, responsible for the various
skate styles, are known as the “Z-Boys,” or formally, the “Zephyr Team.” They were a surf crew living in the
beach towns of Venice and Santa Monica, California. They surfed in one of the most dangerous spots in South
Santa Monica near an abandoned theme park and defended this surf spot from any
non-local surfers. The Zephyr Team
consisted of twelve athletes:
Shobo Kubo; Bob Biniak; Nathan Pratt; Stacy Peralta; Jim Muir; Allen
Sarlo; Chris Cahill; Tony Alva; Pail Constantineua; Jay Adams; Peggy Oki and
Wentlze Rumle (Cave). The
surrounding community recognized surfing in the early 1970s as a pastime for
outcasts and dropouts. Zephyr Team
member Stacey Peralta recalls that the Zephyr Team “was almost like a mafia…if
you were good enough, you were a made man.” Although they were notorious for surfing, the Z-Boys
completely shattered the skateboarding image of that era and created a style
that still dominates the skateboarding world today.
The
first skateboards came to life in the early 1950s. The boards were made of a wood deck, metal trucks, and steel
(soon to be clay) wheels (interlog.com).
Skateboarders and surfers began to intertwine the analogous sports;
surfers began using surf tactics while skateboarding, and vice versa. It was not until the 1960s that skating
began to be recognized as a competitive sport. The first skate competition was held in 1963 in
California. By 1965, national and
international contests were held, magazines featured spotlight stories of
professional skateboarders, and movies were filmed about the up and coming
sport (interlog.com). But in 1965, skateboarding took a quick and detrimental
turn when the sport became reckless, and small cities began banning skateboards
because of their unsafe nature; the clay wheels crumbled without warning and
seriously harmed riders. People
began pulling away from skating and skateboard sales dropped drastically. The sport fell under the radar for the
next eight years, until a group of Los Angeles county natives decided to turn a
locomotive tool into a lifestyle.
Being
a member of the Zephyr Team catapulted the charisma and pride of each
member. Rather than receiving
recognition from the community as the local “surf bums,” They were places on a
pedestal of bad-assery. “If you
were sponsored by the Zephyr shop, it was like nirvana,” says Zephyr Team
member, Jim Muir. “We had a wild, screw-you attitude and people knew we were
the shit”(Dogdown and Z-Boys). The
Z-Boys used skating as a pastime and as an easy way to get to the beach to
surf. Stacy Peralta explains that
“the waves would stop around 10 am, due to the wind, so for the rest of the
day, we skateboarded.” But it
quickly grew into a new way to express their individuality while they were not
riding the waves. They
incorporated much of their surfing techniques into their skating: dipping the knees, dragging their hands
along the pavement, and dancing on the board. Team member, Tony Alva, recalls that “style was the most
important thing” when it came to creating their own personal tricks. Skateboarders had never used surf-like
moves before and it was very uncommon to compete with this set of board
skills. Mostly, teams competed in
“slalom,” riding down a sloped hill between cones in the most stylish and fluid
way possible (skateboard.about.com).
Glen E. Freidman, a photographer for the Z-Boys, recollects, “What they
were doing on boards had never been done before, no such thing existed.” The Z-Boys were original and completely
changed the game.
It
may have been pure chance, or perhaps fate, but in the 1970s, California
suffered a harsh drought that caused most pool owners to empty their
pools. The Z-Boys realized that
the pool walls resembled the waves they were used to shredding on
surfboards. The team broke the
rules of “skate conformity” and began pool hopping, or as one Zephyr team
member calls it, “concrete warfare.”
They would sneak into yards and skate the dried up pools until the
police chased them away. As each
member became comfortable riding pools, they began experimenting with new
tricks. They held friendly
competitions to see who could ride highest along the pool wall. Rather quickly, they began grinding on
the pool ledges, sliding along the upper ledge of the pool with the trucks of
the board. Miraculously, team
member, Tony Alva, learned to gather enough speed and launch into the air while
simultaneously spinning around to drop back in. Each member created tricks that expressed their own style of
riding and that they soon displayed at the first skate competition since the
1960s—the Del Mar National.
The
Zephyr team shocked the crowd at Del Mar Nationals and quickly inspired a
movement that brought skateboarding back into the spotlight. “There was so much aggression, they
were more like a street gang than a skate team,” wrote Kurt Lederman, in a 1975
issue of Skateboarder magazine. They went into the skate competition
knowing that they were already the winners. A short while after they amazed the onlookers, the Z-Boys
were torn apart by fame and fortune.
Every skate team wanted a Zephyr member for their team. Each skater eventually moved on to
pursue his or her path. But they
remained non-conformists and continued to change skateboarding history by
managing legendary skate groups, including Tony Hawk, Christian Hasoi, and
Steve Caballero, and producing high end skateboards such as Powell-Peralta and
Alva brands.
Skateboarding
truly became a lifestyle in huge part due to the Z-Boys. It continues to evolve
through films, documentaries, and video games, and it has inspired a new
generation of extreme professional athletes. Worldwide competitions are broadcast worldwide. The most popular of the competitions is
the X-games, which hosts most of skateboarding’s most skillful athletes and rewards
the winners with sponsorships and enormous cash prizes. Groups such as the International
Skateboarding Federation have formed to publicize the sport. Their goal is to “make skateboarding
available to everyone in the world…and to guarantee skateboarding continues to
provide the freedom of self-expression and creativity” (iSF.com).
Remarkably,
a group of young teens changed the world of competitive extreme sports by
seeking new ways of self-expression.
In the words of sports journalist, Craig Stecyk, “Two hundred years of
American technology has unwittingly created a massive cement playground of
unlimited potential. But it was
the minds of 11-year-olds that could see the potential.” They created a culture
that continues to challenge authority, conformity and personal obstacles. The pastime inspires followers to push
the limits of self-expression. The
Zephyr Team inspired the skateboard world to revolutionize into a competitive
sport that continues to thrive and grow by the men and women who challenge the
idea of possibilities.
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